Future Eli

I'm so grateful that cell phones, today, have cameras. It's so much easier to capture moments! I'm pretty sure that I've taken (at least) one picture of Eli every single day since he's been born. I'm even more grateful that my phone has a camcorder. I started making these spontaneous videos for "Future Eli." I talk to him as if he's an adult and I tell him what he's like as a baby. I've taken videos of him sleeping (so precious), crying (mean mama!), playing with his activity mat (fun), cooing (I just know he's going to be a talkative one). I always tell "Future Eli" how much I love him and how I will love him no matter what's going on in his adult life as he watches these videos. Rob says boys don't care so much about this type of stuff, but I know in my heart that I am raising the kind of boy that will. So, I will keep on recording and writing to the one that has opened up my heart in new ways!

Eli became 3 months old this past Sunday (10/21/12). He laughs now! I do something that I like to call "Baby Great America" and I lift him way up and then way down, I walk fast around the house with him in my arms, we dance together and I sing (badly) to him the entire time. He loves it: ) He's so interested in people. He really looks at them, he's so aware. Mornings are my favorite. We wake up for the day and I nurse him, change his diaper then we go downstairs make coffee and sit on the couch and talk. I talk slower, he watches me so intently. I tell him about his sisser (this is what we call Emily), and his puppies. I say their names slow. He's paying attention. He's right on track with his developments. Saturday night he graduated from his Pack and Play insert into his Pack and Play (for sleeping at night). The first few nights were a little rough, he's used to sleeping on an incline ... now he's flat. But, we're transitioning and last night went better.

He has a sturdy little head and continues to love his baths! Our favorite is when we put him on his stomach and he props up on his arms and holds his head high. He seems like such a strong baby. The past few days he started doing this screaming thing. It's not unhappiness, it's almost like a squeal - but, much more piercing!

Every time he cries I ask, "What's the matter, Mater?" Mater is the rusty tow truck in the movie Cars. I'm pretty sure I call him Mater more than Bear now. Poor kid.

Eli is waking up one to two times in the night, but more often than not he just wakes up once in the night ... and it's always at 3am which Rob's Aunt Pat informed me is Divine Mercy hour. Based on that, I am going to start using that 3am nursing time as time to pray. It just makes sense to me.

It's so easy to love my baby. He's just so perfect and sweet and untouched by life on Earth. But, I am realistic and know that he (like myself) will become more human and with that comes all kinds of stuff. This is why I am doing the videos ... so, that "Future Eli" will know that I love him not only for his perfection, but for his imperfection as well. The way that I think God loves us.

God is LoVe

3 years ago, today, my very special Grandma H went to be with the Lord. Though she is not physically here on Earth I can, at times, feel her presence. Her and I had a deep spiritual connection. She is the main reason that I know God. She started each day with him. She would sit in her chair and read her daily devotional and pray for all of her family and anyone else in need of prayers. I remember after she passed being worried about who would be praying over all of us! I loved the way that my Grandma "showed" God to her corner of the world. She was so gentle about Him. She didn't spend her time judging what others should or shouldn't be doing. She simply loved His people. She was very active in her Methodist church. Her purpose for her life was to teach all of her family about the Lord so that they may, too, know Him. I loved the sermon at her funeral. It was not about what groups she belonged to or what she did for work...it was about her love of God. It was about her sharing her love for God. It was so beautiful, so her.
Her and I had an agreement (my idea). The agreement was that she would come to me after she passed (if she was able). And, that she would come to me in such a way that only I would understand. I reminded her of this agreement often and she always (in her sweet way) told me that she would not forget.
My grandma loved hummingbirds. I love cardinals (of course I would love the red bird) and rarely ever saw hummingbirds. Rob and I bought her and my grandpa's home in the summer of 2010. That August was the 2 year anniversary of us losing baby Faith. We had a lovely day, but that evening I started getting terribly sad. We had been trying to have a baby for such a long time and it just was not happening. I was sad about our baby, I was sad that it seemed like I might not have another (Eli is cooing as I type this...PRAISE GOD). I went outside and stood on the porch next to the bird bath we had just purchased that day in memory of Faith. When suddenly a jeweled hummingbird came right next to me and hovered over that bird bath. First of all, those birds are quick...you see them and then you don't. Second, I never (at that point) would see hummingbirds. I knew in my heart that somehow everything was going to be okay. And, I also knew that somehow that bird represented my Grandma's (and God's) complete love for me. I often think about how to share God with others who were not blessed like myself to learn about Him. I mean how do you make God real to someone who has not experienced Him? I suppose we share our stories, but more importantly I think we share His love and pray and hope that others see Him in that.
One of our clients, a woman in her early 20's just lost her mama to cancer. Shaunise would get her hair styled every week (until her mama became too ill) with our stylist, Lisa. Her mama, Charmaine, was also a regular. You would never even have known that Charmaine was ill. She was so sweet and so beautiful - and, definitely knew the Lord (He shined through her). Shaunise had a waxing appointment with Lisa last Friday (the day before her mama's funeral service). When she walked in I hugged her right away and told her how sorry I was. I just loved her mama. She couldn't even speak. While Shaunise was getting waxed, I happened to answer the phone (front desk was super busy at that exact moment). The call was from Lisa's next client in line. She had to cancel her color appointment. This client NEVER cancels. I knew, without a doubt, that this was a God moment. I ran back to where Lisa and Shaunise were and I told Lisa that she now had time if she wanted to wash and style her hair too. Shaunise still couldn't even speak. Her sadness (understandably so) ran deep and sharp. I told her we weren't charging her for anything that day. I could feel God using Lisa and I as vessels in that moment. Shaunise's mama knew how much her daughter loved getting her hair done...and I believe, just as I did the "day of the hummingbird," that this was a gift from Charmaine and God.
I know the Bible, I hold a lot of scripture in my heart...but, if I had to explain who God is I think I would tell stories like these. God is LoVe. He is present. He does care. He uses His people (and might I add, we are all his people) to touch others lives. I love that. I love knowing Him. I love resting in Him. I love that He gifted me with stories that may help others to see Him. I don't wish to shove God on others...I desire to show them in that gentle way that my Grandma did.

Two Dogs & A Baby

Eli doesn't yet know it, but he is a future pack leader to two big female Rottweilers. I love my girls and though I have always trusted them around children, I wasn't sure what they'd make of the baby...they'd never seen one of those! I was pretty confident that they would just want to lick Eli...like all the time. But, there was a (small) part of me that was concerned. Thankfully, I was right and yes they do just want to lick him. I don't keep the baby from them. From day one I let them have their time with him (supervised, of course). We'll have to be careful once Eli starts walking though because Molly and Roxy have no idea how big they are (75 & 85 lbs). They are a herding breed and I often find myself being herded!!!

Molly (our almost 2 yr old Rott) is Mama Dog. She has to follow me every time Eli needs a diaper change. When he cries, she looks at me like "aren't you going to do something about that?!" When we first brought Eli home, Molly would cry everytime he did for the first few weeks. It really bothered her! I love my dogs and I love my baby and I'm just thrilled that it's all going so well.

                                                                 Eli + Mama Dog, Molly

Eli + Roxy on her 8th birthday (8/15/12)

Don't Blink

And, just like that Eli is a 2 month old baby (as of this past Friday the 21st)! Last week I packed up his newborn clothes, he definitely got his use out of them though (due to the days we were sometimes in 3 different outfits thanks to a certain brand of diapers that shall remain nameless) ; )
He had his 2 month checkup today and that went quite well. He now weighs 10lbs 13oz! Last month he weighed in at 9lbs 2oz. He's definitely making up for being born a few weeks early! Eli is 22.75 inches long. He is now able to hold his head up for a short time and he can also let go of your hair after he grabs it (before you'd have to pry his hands off of you). He does a lot of cooing...so cute, sounds like oooooooh. Rob will sit for long periods of time and go oooooooooh and Eli will oooooooooh back to him. Yesterday, Rob told me that he can feel the bond between him and Eli when they do their back and forth oooooooooing as they look into each others eyes. Rob says he just knows that Eli will want to hang around with him all the time because he's so cool. I just smiled and said, of course honey!  Seriously though...inside, I was extremely happy. What woman doesn't want their husband to be crazy about their child? It's just so beautiful. The Dr. was impressed with Eli's social skills. He watched her with such interest as she spoke softly to him. He also followed her movements, all good signs! He was in such a relaxed state during the visit (even after having his rectal temperature taken). I was glad about that as this was my first time taking him by myself. Everything was fine until he had to get 3 shots (vaccinations). He cried so intensely that he lost his breath. If I hadn't experienced this before I am sure it would have freaked me out, but I expected it this time and I knew he'd be okay right after.

His next Drs. visit is the end of November..he will be 4 months old then! I know that will be here before I know it (like that country song says, "don't blink").

Plant, Water ... Wait

This morning I was looking out my dining room window and saw a beautiful jeweled hummingbird in my backyard. It then flew to the front of the house and began eating the sweet nectar from my impatiens. As I watched it fly from flower to flower, I realized something. If I hadn't planted the impatiens and kept them watered, I would not have had that precious moment. It's such a great analogy to living life close to God. He is always present, behind the scenes, working out what we cannot see. But, we have to do our part. I'm big on praying, but pairing praying with action is even more powerful.  I once read that faith is an action word. I love that ... it's believing plus doing. It's waiting on God, but walking towards him while you're waiting. We have to plant ... and it doesn't end there. Then, we must water regularly. And, as we're watering we wait. The results are not always immediate. In fact, they usually aren't. I have a friend who is currently struggling with infertility. I'm trying to be a light in the darkness for her (because I know the season she is in all to well). I tell her it's okay to feel sad and depressed, but to let those feelings only have moments -don't let them take root. I'm praying for this friend. And, as I'm praying for her I'm thanking God for Eli. That I am on the other side of that struggle. That he met me and gave me my hearts desire. When I pray for my friend I, of course, am asking for her to receive a blessing. But, more than that I'm asking that she discover God in a deeper way. Because traveling with him, sure makes the load of the journey lighter!        Matthew 11:30    "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

40 Days

40 days I've been a mama to Eli. I've only been apart from him for two hours and that was because I made Rob make me leave him...just to prove that I could. Emily and I went to Target and I couldn't wait to get home (so many crying kids in that store, it was killing me)! I'm back to work very soon and know that I am going to have some separation anxiety. Eli will be fine and I will too - in time. Human beings are adaptable and I know that I will adapt - just like how I am now used to waking up thoughout the middle of the night...I will get used to our apart time. He will be in the hands of the best possible caregivers (our moms and our sis-in-law) - people that love him, people that he will love. I understand that Eli is not just for Rob and I and I'm happy to share so that he may be a blessing to others lives and they'll certainly be a blessing to his! I'm so thankful for this precious stretch of time that he and I have had together.

A New Song

Psalm 40:3 "He put a new song in my mouth."
August 22nd was the 4 year anniversary of baby Faith. Gosh, 4 years! I did not honor her coming and going the way I normally would. I didn't purchase anything new for the garden. I didn't write a poem and post it on my blog. I did, of course, think about her and gave thanks for how far this 4 years has brought us. I remembered that when I wrote about Faith last year (on her day) I ended with this, "I really just want to release it all. Like a butterfly that I've been holding tightly in the palm of my hand, I want to open my hand and let her fly."
I think I was truly able to do that. To let go. Letting go did not mean forgetting. Letting go released her (completely) to the Lord. Letting go made room for a blessing...the one I'm holding as I type this (it's a little tricky to blog with a baby in your arms, but I'm a mama now and we make do)!
Yesterday, we received Eli's social security card in the mail. I was quite excited about that especially because I always love seeing his name! When I saw the issued date, I knew it was a God moment just for me...August 22nd. Faith's "lift off to heaven" date stamped right there on Eli's card. There are those times in life where you just know, with complete certainty, that all is exactly as it should be. Praise God for a new song!!!