Your Stats

You're still in a size 4 diaper! My what a  skinny waist you have. You can pee in your little potty, but I don't push you. I'm taking the natural approach. The nice thing about being an "older" parent is that I've had lots of years to watch others raise kids and that pushing approach just causes frustration with everyone involved. You will, however be ready way before age 3...and I'll be taking your "pappy" (pacifier) away then to!
You wear a size 7 shoe, size 2T shirts and pants...oh the pants, always an issue! 18 months are too small, 2T are too big...so depending on the day we're either flooding or drowning!
We are so blessed in the clothing dept. I never buy clothes for you Jess (Drake!) from work hooks us up constantly! And, Kelly (Nicko!) too. God bless them!
You can brush your teeth (Thomas toothbrush!), you're not that good at it, yet...but, you are getting better!
I still love bath time. You never want to go in and once you're in you never want to get out!  You like to play with your cups (that have holes) and your tractors (imagine that!).

Dear Eli

Dear Eli,
Next week you'll be 2 1/2 years old. I thought I would write more, but it turns out I'm too busy being present in your life. I thought I'd feel guilty or like lesser of a good mama for not documenting your existence better...but, I just don't. I don't because I'd rather be living than writing about it. I'd rather be fully immersed in you.
You and I are tight. I'm thankful to have balance in our life so that I won't have any regrets about our time together. You're in a "mama do it" stage. I really don't mind, but Daddy does! I know it's because we are able to spend more one on one moments together. Tonight you wanted me to lay with you. I won't always do it because then you'll expect that every night, but once in awhile I need it to. I like to call you things like Baby Bear and Bubba Scrub (don't ask!)...and you always say, "Eli's not (fill random nickname in here)...Eli's Eli." Tonight I asked, "what's Mama?" And you looked me in the eyes and said so sweetly, "Kris." I've only heard you speak my name one other time. There's something about hearing your name...especially out of your babies (yes, baby!) precious little mouth. I just love you! You crack us up! Tonight we went to dinner and you told the waitress that your sister put you in the closet (poor Emily!). A month ago you two were playing hide n' seek and she hid you in the closet. You have a handful of stories and you retell them with such passion! Often when we go grocery shopping, you'll bust out one of those stories to a stranger! You don't get this from me. Santa brought you a semi truck with a trailer that had a backhoe on it. A few weeks before Christmas you met Santa at a local real estate office! You told him you wanted a backhoe for Christmas when he asked. At the dinner table recently, you randomly shouted, "Eli loves Santa!" I'm so glad I taught you about Jesus first. Santa's presents can never trump Jesus's presents. I hope to instill this in you early on.
The other night you were pushing your dump truck around the living room and fell over it, hitting your chin. You cried and kept saying, "I hurt my beard!"
Seriously, was there life before you?
Your Daddy and I are in this consciously. Never does a day pass without us smiling at each other over something you've said or done. Your sister is so good to you. She reads to you and plays with you. My favorite is when you cuddle each other on the living room floor. The age difference isn't an issue. You are simply brother and sister. I hope you have memories of this time of us all being together in such a quality way!
If you end up being a Farmer, no one that knows you will be shocked. You love your tractors and because of you I now know every kind.
You enjoy our Sunday morning drives! Coffee, donuts, lake, excavator, crane.
That's what this ride is to you...a chance to see the excavator and crane by the beach. Even more important than munchkins!
Thank you for your energy and your (big!) smile and your sweetness and your social skills and your sleeping through the night and your cuddles! We love you, Daddy's boy...and Mama's baby.

A Two Year Old

I am Mama to a 2 year old. I've loved all of Eli's stages (and each one has been my favorite!), but this is...you guessed it...my favorite!!! Seriously, I was made to parent this age because I Love To Play! He and I have such a relationship now. He interacts so well. His level of understanding made a big leap once he turned the big TWO. He says everything, but still calls his milk "bodee," even though he can finally say milk. Still has his pacifier (a.k.a "pappy"). He's not a picky eater he just doesn't eat much these days. He's obsessed with tractors and will tell strangers at the grocery store that "the backhoes broken" (it really is) and that "Papa fix it" (which may or may not happen. My Dad has a backhoe and Eli misses the days when it worked and he could ride along. Eli loves Elmo and Thomas the Train and getting read to (yay for his book loving Mama!). We go to parks often as well as schedule play dates. Rob and I are trying to be super intentional about his childhood. We like to give him adventure and new experiences. It's sometimes more fun for us! Big sis, Emily, started highschool and she's loving it. Everytime we drive past her school Eli shouts, "there Ebbie school!" Eli has taken a special liking to Em's friend Reagan, its so cute to watch him when she's around. He shows off, acts silly, and always brings her toys and books to play and read with him. He has spent the night multiple times at both Grandparents and once at Uncle Nate's and Auntie Monica's. Rob and I even went out of town in August to Lake of the Ozarks for the weekend and left Eli for the first time! This is such a fun age. Sometimes he hits or throws a fit, but I know that is normal at this age...overall he continues to be a sweet and social boy who can share and has good manners (please, thank you and even bless you when you sneeze!). I'm thankful to be able to spend so much time with him. My intention is to be present and enjoy each day for the gift that it is. I'm imperfect, but I give him my best and I won't have any regrets when I'm sitting in that rocking chair as an old woman (the Lord willing) looking backwards upon my life at my most important role...Mama.

The Words You Speak

The first word you comprehended was hot. You could say it and understand what it meant. Grandma and Grandpa J taught you hot to keep you away from their wood burning stove. Somehow from that you knew the dryer was hot. When you see the steam from our steamer you call that hot, too! The smoke from our outdoor wood boiler also causes you to yell, hot! Its impressive to watch you discover all on your own. You can say this and that...and as of this week Bobbie and Robbie! :) I taught you baby from one of your picture books and everytime you see a baby picture of yourself around the house you proclaim with certainty..."baby!" You're finally calling me Mama which of course is my favorite word that you say! But, even better...you started saying my Mama. Love that! You chatter all day in your own language, you definitely know what you mean and all of us that spend time with you talk back to you as if we know what you're saying. Though your vocabulary is small, you do know what most things are. You know which dog is Molly and which is Roxy. You know all your farm animals and can bring them to me when I ask for each by name. You know what a book is and when I ask you to put it back on the bookshelf you easily comply. You like to take my car keys and pretend to put them in the ignition of your 4wheeler! You know truck, tractor, wagon. You know sled and outside. When we say outside you go to the closet and pull out your coat and boots. You help Mama feed the dogs each morning. You are responsible for putting their food in the bowls. I give the dogs their bowls because for some reason you get really angry during this part. You just want to walk around with the dishes, not actually feeding the dogs! I'm working on this. You get in trouble daily for standing on chairs. You're a very careful boy...even in your recklessness. Your motor skills have been outstanding for so long. You have incredible balance. I foresee stunts in your future and I'm sure I'll be freaked out! My favorite thing to do with you is play barn farm. I made that up. I think I always wanted that red barn when I was a child...definitely making up for lost time! Daddy's favorite is taking you on outside adventures and playing with your mega blocks. You are comic relief, you are sunshine no matter the weather outside. We are blessed to get to be with you each day. We love you, son.

Snow Baby

Snow Baby
The cool winter air could easily keep me inside. One look at my baby and I'm called to give him an adventure. He gets one childhood ... and we're in it. I desire to give him moments. My heart says these moments are for Mama-too. I bundle us up in our winter gear. He stands at the door with a full smile. I said the word sled...he knows this word. Out we go. He sits patiently as I strap him in. He's only patient when he likes what's coming next. I pull him through the snow. We zip all around the yard. I'm surprised at how much effort this takes! It would have been easy to stay inside and skip this cold and strenuous activity. One look at my happy and seemingly warm baby makes my heart flutter. He will always be more important than my comfort. I want to remember this time...I want to remember to continue to choose him. I'm so grateful for the perspective this child brings.

Today

Today was for him and I. From beginning to end we only had each other. It started snowing close to the time that Daddy would be getting off of work so sadly he had to stay. And stay. And stay. Today, he climbed onto a kitchen chair. And then onto the kitchen table. Today, he got on the couch, with ease, and smiled with his entire face...a proud look that said, " I did it Mama!" Today, he rolled his little 4wheeler near the big blue chair, climbed on top of it, and dived for the chair...with success! Today, we raced against each other. He had his 4wheeler and I had his walker. He beat me. Today, I put him in the back of his metal Tonka dump truck and drove him around the living room. So many times throughout this day we looked into each others eyes and had a moment. Of what? Recognition that we belong to each other, I think. All of these things that happened today were new. I heard that 18 months brings big changes. Eli will be 15 months on December 21st. Today brought big changes.
Today was a precious day, one to hold on to.
My heart is so full of love for our boy.

Crawl

Life has always felt heavy to me. I've asked myself why so many times and I've come to the conclusion. I'm deep. The level at which I operate from is way below the surface. I'm sure to the outside world it doesn't appear that way...I can do social, surface. But, I feel everything at such a deep level. Every moment matters. Every moment is big. I never just have "regular" days or "boring" days. I think I would like to. Tonight after yet another heavy day, Eli greeted me with a giant hug! I knelt down to his level and held him tightly. He's so affectionate these days. My heart melts. We crawl up the stairs together, though we both can walk just fine, and race to the end of the hallway. We pause at the tall mirror that lines the wall at the end of that hallway and stare at ourselves. We giggle. Mother and Son...though in that moment I'm a child too. I thank God for this perspective that my boy brings. The heaviness lifts and in its place is pure joy.

14 Months (well, almost!)

I haven't kept up on tracking Eli like I thought I would. Life is a bit of a whirlwind when you have a little person, but despite that I am enjoying all of our moments. I am thankful with each new day that he and I have together. He will be 14 months on November 21st! He has his next Dr. appt. on the 13th and I always look forward to those.

He's such a love! Smiles and laughs a ton. He is very expressive and this might be my very favorite thing about him. He is getting more cuddly. Sometimes he will walk up from behind me (while I am sitting on the floor, playing with him) and hug my neck.

His absolute favorite is when he gets his shoes put on and you let him loose! He is quite independent.

He's still in a size 3 diaper (such a skinny little waist!). He's quickly growing out of his size 4.5 shoes.
He wears size 12-18 month shirts, but he could seriously still rock some 9 month pants. 12's are often too big!

He goes to a woman's house who watches children two days per week. He used to cry when I dropped him off (mainly because he was tired at that time in the morning), but now he goes easily. He tries to open the door to the basement where the kids are already playing. This does make it easier on this Mama!
He also spends one day per week with each set of his Grandparent's. He still hasn't spent the night anywhere, I haven't been ready for that - but, I know he would do just fine at either place.

He does very well in social settings (unless he's tired!) - he loves watching people, especially kids. He laughs every time he sees a kid...it's the cutest!

He sleeps 8-10 hours straight per night. Wakes up in the early morning for a bottle and then goes back to sleep for a short time.

My favorite time with him continues to be the morning! He's so happy!!! And, we have the getting ready down to an art. He knows the program and he goes with it easily. We get up so early that getting out of the house, on time, is never an issue.

He is down to one nap per day! This is a bummer because he is very tired in the evening...as in crabby tired! So the hour and a half leading up to bedtime is a little challenging ; ) He sleeps 1.5 to 3 hours for his nap. Usually the 1.5 for me and the 3 for Kirstan who watches him. She gets the good nap because the kids wear him out! The Grandma's get anywhere from 1.5 to 3, just depends on him that day!

His hair color seems to be getting blonde and I am thrilled about that. We don't have much blonde hair in my family! He's got my brown eyes, but Rob & Emily's eyelashes and eye shape. He is a good mix of Rob and I depending on his expression can look just like either one of us!

We are enjoying our gift and aren't taking any of it for granted. Thank you God for our precious son!

House on a Rock

Monday afternoon, while Eli was napping, I dusted my curio cabinet. I'm pretty sure I haven't dusted it since well before Eli was born. It needed some love. I enjoy dusting the items in there slowly, every item contains meaning for me. While I was dusting off a miniature pie plate of my Grandma H's an overwhelming feeling of missing her overcame me. I used to take naps (in this very home) when I was a small child. Grandma would often surprise me with a mini pie that she made - just for me! So much love came from her in that little treat. She always made me feel extra special. She gave me so much to hold onto. I suppose that is why I have such a connection with her, even in her being gone.
As I was wiping the pie plate clean of dust, I spoke to her in my mind about how much I miss her. It broke my heart that all of my Grandparents died before Eli came into existence. I am grateful that I had relationships with all four of them into my adult life. So many cannot say that. I am glad that Emily got to know both of my Grandma's.
As I was putting the pie plate back into the cabinet, the scent of my Grandma surrounded me. A scent hard to describe, a bit of perfume - a bit of dessert baking...but, her nonetheless. How could this be? I knew I wasn't imagining it. The moment was so real, so beautiful. People who have never had a spiritual (indescribable) encounter might think I am crazy. But, as my tattoo on my right shoulder states, "For we walk by faith, not by sight."  I've come to a place in my life where I don't need to see to believe. We plant the seed in the ground and we water it ... but, who grows it?! We take a walk outside on a breezy day and feel the wind upon our faces...but, we can't see it. This is faith. The invisible world that is all around us. I so often think about how to tell people about my faith. How do you get someone to believe when they so badly need to see facts and proof? I just pray for others to have moments like this. My life is filled with them. I am not more special than anyone else - I am just trusting and open to them.

Today I am thankful for the (long awaited) warmth and sunshine. For my baby who is sleeping peacefully in his crib. For my husband who works so hard and loves his family more than anything. For Emily who is a great all around kid. For both sets of our parents, who are still married and who offer us constant support and love. For my business mentor. For my spiritual mentor. For all our friends and family. For my doggies. For this home. For our family business. And, for all the people that came before us.

Thank you God for the opportunity to even be here at all...walking this Earth, making these connections. I will continue to keep my eyes on you.


Matthew 7:24-26 "Therefore whoever hears these sayings of mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man, which built his house on a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat on that house; and it fell not: for it was founded on a rock. And every one that hears these sayings of mine, and does them not, shall be likened to a foolish man, which built his house on the sand."

7 Months!

Honestly, the only things I miss about "Life Before Eli," are more writing time and reading before bed. It's challenging to carve out time to write and I have a giant goal that I am working on right now. Something I am so excited about. Something I feel called to do, but creating space to make this happen has been tricky to say the least. You see it's winter and Rob is working so much (snow plowing, snow removal in the middle of the night, ice ponds...). So, life for me is hanging with my baby (which I of course love) and working. When he does nap, it's time to "get er done" - hurry and clean bathrooms, transfer and fold laundry, wash bottles! And, reading at night? Those days are long gone! I am SO tired at night. I can rockstar it all day long...but, at night I am an old, old woman who is dead tired by 8PM.
The good news is that Eli has been officially kicked out of our bedroom. It only took me 7 months to become comfortable with this idea. My cousin Sara has two children. Two girls. One 7, one 2. She told me that with Emily (age 7) she never did any sleep training and Emily continues to wake in the night and has trouble falling back to sleep on her own (needs water, etc.). So, when Shelby came along she knew she had to do something different. So, she did the Ferber (known as, "cry it out") Method. If you've never actually read the method, it sounds mean. But, basically it's this...you put your baby where you want baby to sleep BEFORE baby is sleeping. That way baby doesn't wake up and wonder where the heck he is! Let baby cry for a designated amount of minutes (the amount of minutes changes each day). If baby cries past designated number of minutes then you go in, and make your presence known. You're not allowed to pick the baby up or "help" baby go back to sleep. You can only stay one minute. Long story short...THIS METHOD WORKS! First night, Eli cried for 20 straight minutes. Rob and I were watching the new James Bond Movie, Skyfall, and had it turned up loud (hey, we had to do what we had to do!). He woke up once in the night and cried for less minutes than the designated check in time, so we didn't have to go in. That's not to say I wasn't waking up throughout the night and peeking in on him (this was a big step for me to move him in his own room). Fast forward a week later and he is sleeping through the night...ten hours straight?! What?! How could this be?! I'm still on the tired side because our day starts quite early (5 to 5:30a.m). Some nights he does wake and cries, but is able to put himself back to sleep without us coming to the rescue! His crying doesn't bother me because in my heart I know that this is good for him. Crying all by himself in his own room? Yes, people...YES. I do still check on him, mainly because I am so used to waking up several times in the night. But, I know that will become fewer and farther between. It's a new day in our household.
Eli is sitting up, rolling all over the place, and can plank (hold the whole weight of his body). When he planks, he is starting to put one knee down...he's getting in position for crawling - he just doesn't know it yet. This age is fantastic! He says da da da (not associating this with his actual Dad, it's just what he can say - and I love reminding Rob of that, ha!). He's eating solids, likes all the vegetables (his favorite is squash). So far he likes mangos, applesauce and pears. I can't get him to like peaches and bananas, but I will try again...because he didn't like peas right away and now he tears them up! So, it's true that you need to introduce a food multiple times. I continue to love how expressive Eli is. He smiles so much and laughs. His dog, Molly (a 2yr old Rott), and his Daddy make him laugh the most. He just starts laughing when he sees either one of them. I wonder what he's thinking. He's a good baby and I know that the Lord has blessed us greatly with this particular baby. He is pure joy. He is all things good. I will never forget my journey to becoming a Mother. I will thank my Great Big God, daily.

I have come so that you may have life!

When I was trying to become pregnant for such a long time my Dad finally said to me "you know, Kris, maybe not having a child in the world we live in - today - isn't the worst thing." I understood what he meant. This world is changing. People are becoming more violent...even the weather is becoming more violent. But, while I understood what he meant, I also knew on another level that me not having a child would, in fact, be the worst thing (for me). So much love to give! So much to share! And, now that Eli is here I know that my Dad couldn't imagine life without him.

With 2012 coming to the close, the news is full of the stories from this past year. So much hurt and pain across the world. I try not to give the news too much of my attention. Not because I don't care, but because I care too much. I am like a sponge with the hurt of the world. Did you ever see that movie Powder? There's this one part where a hunter kills a deer and the main character-Powder-has the hunter touch the deer. The hunter is then able to feel the deer dying. This is an old movie and I am not one to remember much from movies, but this scene always stuck with me. I can easily put myself in others shoes, I can easily feel others pain. This is a good quality because it makes me a more compassionate person and I can often anticipate what people need. But, it's also exhausting because there are times where I feel so heavy with the hurt of the world.

I've been thinking about this a lot, lately. Especially since the Sandy Hook school shootings in Newtown, CT. That one really caused a depression in me (and I think most people would agree). I know that, sadly, more evil will occur. Am I going to crawl into my turtle shell of safety each time? Will I attempt to put a bubble around my family? I don't want to live in fear. I don't want to become paranoid. I could feel God gently nudging me to lean back into Him after days of watching too much news and crying. I recently read that thinking about the future and bad things to come causes fear and anxiety...because we're picturing that future without God.

This Bible verse easily comes to mind, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)

I know that God is urging me to live in full Faith. I refuse to sit here and ponder why I would want to bring a child into today's world. What a beautiful world our God made. If we only look at and for the negative that is all we'll see. This is what I'm choosing to see, as a child of God...the outpouring of money and toys that are currently bombarding Newtown, CT from every state in this country! I also think of this, while driving ,and this is a good picture...I look at all the cars on the road, so many cars! So many people following the traffic rules! Amazing that we can all be on the road...and mostly without incident. But, then there are accidents. Tragedy does occur on the road. But, in relation to just how many cars are on the road - the accidents are few and far between. So, we can look at all the cars "getting along" or we can look at the number of accidents. They both exist. Just as good and evil exist. I am choosing to look for the good.

We are blessed to have the Bible because we already know how the story will play out...good shall overcome evil. Let me type that again, GOOD SHALL OVERCOME EVIL (praise God). If we can just hold onto that promise and live our lives accordingly, if we can just realize we each have an important part to play...that what we think and do has such great impact!

Suit up...suit up with the full armor of God and live your life in the full. This is why Jesus came. Not so we can be miserable people! Shine, shine for the world to see! You see, living your life in full is not selfish it is His great desire for us. Us being joyful and centered in the midst of the storm shatters evil. It is powerful. It sends great waves across this world that we cannot even see. Don't feel the need to see your impact, just trust that you are, in fact, impacting.

Wishing you a happy 2013 filled with personal and world HEALING!!!

5 Months-rollin'

Eli turned 5 months old on December 21st. At his 4 month appointment, the Monday after Thanksgiving, I learned that he weighed 13lbs 4 oz (exactly 7lbs above his birth weight). This picture is at his Drs. appt.
I can finally understand how my mom didn't fill in my baby book. She had one for me and the only part filled out was my name. I have given her a hard time about this for years! Now that I am a mother, I get it. The time moves swiftly. I am very present in my time with Eli. I am enjoying all of our moments. But, with that being said...the time still moves. The fact that I already endured an entire pregnancy and now have an (over)5 month old baby absolutely floors me!
Eli rolled over on December 10th for the first time! For a few weeks, he just rolled from his back to his front, but couldn't figure out how to roll back. Now while he sleeps he rolls all around. I am not a big fan of this because, like me, Eli likes to sleep on his stomach. I know that he can move his head, but I am still worried about something awful happening with his head being down like that. I am a new mama and this is something I have to work through! He continues to wake up two to three times in the night, but for the most part falls back asleep after his bottle. It's probably time to start feeding him baby food, but I'm dragging me feet on that. I know that I have until 6 months - and I also know I'd probably be sleeping through the night if I did start giving him food. I guess I just haven't been ready. My baby is changing so fast and while I look forward to each new milestone, I can't help but look backwards, at times, to that newborn phase. We seem so far from that now and I am a touch saddened by that fact. I still can't believe how much I enjoyed those newborn days!

Month...Four!

Eli will be 4 months old the day before Thanksgiving! I honestly couldn't believe how much I loved having a newborn. That was the part I was most afraid of when thinking about Eli's life. I liked it so much I never wanted him to be anything beyond that. Such a precious time! But, I've got to say 3 1/2 to 4 months is where it's at. I looove this part. He is so aware! Rob built his excersaucer the week before last and we put him in it and he just seemd so little. Emily and I put him in it this past weekend and he was touching everything and really aware of it. He changed so much in just a week! CJ's birthday (he turned 11) was last Saturday, so I went to visit them. Auntie Monica weighed herself with Eli and said he weighs 13lbs. That means he is just about 1lb away from size 2 diapers! Oh my baby!!! I am going to start feeding him rice cereal (or the oatmeal one) this weekend. Everyone I know that recently had a baby said this is the timeframe that they started doing that. Also, Eli is on the verge of teething (yikes!). He runs his little finger through his mouth and he's drooling quite often. Also, when I feed him a bottle he moves the nipple to the side of his mouth...I think it feels good to him. He goes to his Dr. a week from this coming Monday and I look forward to that appointment. I believe that Eli has eczema : ( He has rough circular patches of skin on his back and legs. My niece, Alyssa, has this and Monica said that's what it looks like! I guess one of my Mom's Grandfathers had this. I will see what his Dr. says. Other than that he is healthy and going along just fine with his development. I love how expressive he is. The many faces of Eli. I think I'll always know how he's doing...no poker face with this kid! Monica surprised me for my birthday with this picture of Eli. She bought a camaflouge outfit for Eli and CJ and took a picture of them together for my Dad (we share birthdays) and then this one of Eli in a frame that says Life Is Better With You. I'm having the time of my life right now. I love being a mama. I continue to thank God, daily, for this gift. What an honor to be his mama.

Future Eli

I'm so grateful that cell phones, today, have cameras. It's so much easier to capture moments! I'm pretty sure that I've taken (at least) one picture of Eli every single day since he's been born. I'm even more grateful that my phone has a camcorder. I started making these spontaneous videos for "Future Eli." I talk to him as if he's an adult and I tell him what he's like as a baby. I've taken videos of him sleeping (so precious), crying (mean mama!), playing with his activity mat (fun), cooing (I just know he's going to be a talkative one). I always tell "Future Eli" how much I love him and how I will love him no matter what's going on in his adult life as he watches these videos. Rob says boys don't care so much about this type of stuff, but I know in my heart that I am raising the kind of boy that will. So, I will keep on recording and writing to the one that has opened up my heart in new ways!

Eli became 3 months old this past Sunday (10/21/12). He laughs now! I do something that I like to call "Baby Great America" and I lift him way up and then way down, I walk fast around the house with him in my arms, we dance together and I sing (badly) to him the entire time. He loves it: ) He's so interested in people. He really looks at them, he's so aware. Mornings are my favorite. We wake up for the day and I nurse him, change his diaper then we go downstairs make coffee and sit on the couch and talk. I talk slower, he watches me so intently. I tell him about his sisser (this is what we call Emily), and his puppies. I say their names slow. He's paying attention. He's right on track with his developments. Saturday night he graduated from his Pack and Play insert into his Pack and Play (for sleeping at night). The first few nights were a little rough, he's used to sleeping on an incline ... now he's flat. But, we're transitioning and last night went better.

He has a sturdy little head and continues to love his baths! Our favorite is when we put him on his stomach and he props up on his arms and holds his head high. He seems like such a strong baby. The past few days he started doing this screaming thing. It's not unhappiness, it's almost like a squeal - but, much more piercing!

Every time he cries I ask, "What's the matter, Mater?" Mater is the rusty tow truck in the movie Cars. I'm pretty sure I call him Mater more than Bear now. Poor kid.

Eli is waking up one to two times in the night, but more often than not he just wakes up once in the night ... and it's always at 3am which Rob's Aunt Pat informed me is Divine Mercy hour. Based on that, I am going to start using that 3am nursing time as time to pray. It just makes sense to me.

It's so easy to love my baby. He's just so perfect and sweet and untouched by life on Earth. But, I am realistic and know that he (like myself) will become more human and with that comes all kinds of stuff. This is why I am doing the videos ... so, that "Future Eli" will know that I love him not only for his perfection, but for his imperfection as well. The way that I think God loves us.

God is LoVe

3 years ago, today, my very special Grandma H went to be with the Lord. Though she is not physically here on Earth I can, at times, feel her presence. Her and I had a deep spiritual connection. She is the main reason that I know God. She started each day with him. She would sit in her chair and read her daily devotional and pray for all of her family and anyone else in need of prayers. I remember after she passed being worried about who would be praying over all of us! I loved the way that my Grandma "showed" God to her corner of the world. She was so gentle about Him. She didn't spend her time judging what others should or shouldn't be doing. She simply loved His people. She was very active in her Methodist church. Her purpose for her life was to teach all of her family about the Lord so that they may, too, know Him. I loved the sermon at her funeral. It was not about what groups she belonged to or what she did for work...it was about her love of God. It was about her sharing her love for God. It was so beautiful, so her.
Her and I had an agreement (my idea). The agreement was that she would come to me after she passed (if she was able). And, that she would come to me in such a way that only I would understand. I reminded her of this agreement often and she always (in her sweet way) told me that she would not forget.
My grandma loved hummingbirds. I love cardinals (of course I would love the red bird) and rarely ever saw hummingbirds. Rob and I bought her and my grandpa's home in the summer of 2010. That August was the 2 year anniversary of us losing baby Faith. We had a lovely day, but that evening I started getting terribly sad. We had been trying to have a baby for such a long time and it just was not happening. I was sad about our baby, I was sad that it seemed like I might not have another (Eli is cooing as I type this...PRAISE GOD). I went outside and stood on the porch next to the bird bath we had just purchased that day in memory of Faith. When suddenly a jeweled hummingbird came right next to me and hovered over that bird bath. First of all, those birds are quick...you see them and then you don't. Second, I never (at that point) would see hummingbirds. I knew in my heart that somehow everything was going to be okay. And, I also knew that somehow that bird represented my Grandma's (and God's) complete love for me. I often think about how to share God with others who were not blessed like myself to learn about Him. I mean how do you make God real to someone who has not experienced Him? I suppose we share our stories, but more importantly I think we share His love and pray and hope that others see Him in that.
One of our clients, a woman in her early 20's just lost her mama to cancer. Shaunise would get her hair styled every week (until her mama became too ill) with our stylist, Lisa. Her mama, Charmaine, was also a regular. You would never even have known that Charmaine was ill. She was so sweet and so beautiful - and, definitely knew the Lord (He shined through her). Shaunise had a waxing appointment with Lisa last Friday (the day before her mama's funeral service). When she walked in I hugged her right away and told her how sorry I was. I just loved her mama. She couldn't even speak. While Shaunise was getting waxed, I happened to answer the phone (front desk was super busy at that exact moment). The call was from Lisa's next client in line. She had to cancel her color appointment. This client NEVER cancels. I knew, without a doubt, that this was a God moment. I ran back to where Lisa and Shaunise were and I told Lisa that she now had time if she wanted to wash and style her hair too. Shaunise still couldn't even speak. Her sadness (understandably so) ran deep and sharp. I told her we weren't charging her for anything that day. I could feel God using Lisa and I as vessels in that moment. Shaunise's mama knew how much her daughter loved getting her hair done...and I believe, just as I did the "day of the hummingbird," that this was a gift from Charmaine and God.
I know the Bible, I hold a lot of scripture in my heart...but, if I had to explain who God is I think I would tell stories like these. God is LoVe. He is present. He does care. He uses His people (and might I add, we are all his people) to touch others lives. I love that. I love knowing Him. I love resting in Him. I love that He gifted me with stories that may help others to see Him. I don't wish to shove God on others...I desire to show them in that gentle way that my Grandma did.

Two Dogs & A Baby

Eli doesn't yet know it, but he is a future pack leader to two big female Rottweilers. I love my girls and though I have always trusted them around children, I wasn't sure what they'd make of the baby...they'd never seen one of those! I was pretty confident that they would just want to lick Eli...like all the time. But, there was a (small) part of me that was concerned. Thankfully, I was right and yes they do just want to lick him. I don't keep the baby from them. From day one I let them have their time with him (supervised, of course). We'll have to be careful once Eli starts walking though because Molly and Roxy have no idea how big they are (75 & 85 lbs). They are a herding breed and I often find myself being herded!!!

Molly (our almost 2 yr old Rott) is Mama Dog. She has to follow me every time Eli needs a diaper change. When he cries, she looks at me like "aren't you going to do something about that?!" When we first brought Eli home, Molly would cry everytime he did for the first few weeks. It really bothered her! I love my dogs and I love my baby and I'm just thrilled that it's all going so well.

                                                                 Eli + Mama Dog, Molly

Eli + Roxy on her 8th birthday (8/15/12)

Don't Blink

And, just like that Eli is a 2 month old baby (as of this past Friday the 21st)! Last week I packed up his newborn clothes, he definitely got his use out of them though (due to the days we were sometimes in 3 different outfits thanks to a certain brand of diapers that shall remain nameless) ; )
He had his 2 month checkup today and that went quite well. He now weighs 10lbs 13oz! Last month he weighed in at 9lbs 2oz. He's definitely making up for being born a few weeks early! Eli is 22.75 inches long. He is now able to hold his head up for a short time and he can also let go of your hair after he grabs it (before you'd have to pry his hands off of you). He does a lot of cooing...so cute, sounds like oooooooh. Rob will sit for long periods of time and go oooooooooh and Eli will oooooooooh back to him. Yesterday, Rob told me that he can feel the bond between him and Eli when they do their back and forth oooooooooing as they look into each others eyes. Rob says he just knows that Eli will want to hang around with him all the time because he's so cool. I just smiled and said, of course honey!  Seriously though...inside, I was extremely happy. What woman doesn't want their husband to be crazy about their child? It's just so beautiful. The Dr. was impressed with Eli's social skills. He watched her with such interest as she spoke softly to him. He also followed her movements, all good signs! He was in such a relaxed state during the visit (even after having his rectal temperature taken). I was glad about that as this was my first time taking him by myself. Everything was fine until he had to get 3 shots (vaccinations). He cried so intensely that he lost his breath. If I hadn't experienced this before I am sure it would have freaked me out, but I expected it this time and I knew he'd be okay right after.

His next Drs. visit is the end of November..he will be 4 months old then! I know that will be here before I know it (like that country song says, "don't blink").

Plant, Water ... Wait

This morning I was looking out my dining room window and saw a beautiful jeweled hummingbird in my backyard. It then flew to the front of the house and began eating the sweet nectar from my impatiens. As I watched it fly from flower to flower, I realized something. If I hadn't planted the impatiens and kept them watered, I would not have had that precious moment. It's such a great analogy to living life close to God. He is always present, behind the scenes, working out what we cannot see. But, we have to do our part. I'm big on praying, but pairing praying with action is even more powerful.  I once read that faith is an action word. I love that ... it's believing plus doing. It's waiting on God, but walking towards him while you're waiting. We have to plant ... and it doesn't end there. Then, we must water regularly. And, as we're watering we wait. The results are not always immediate. In fact, they usually aren't. I have a friend who is currently struggling with infertility. I'm trying to be a light in the darkness for her (because I know the season she is in all to well). I tell her it's okay to feel sad and depressed, but to let those feelings only have moments -don't let them take root. I'm praying for this friend. And, as I'm praying for her I'm thanking God for Eli. That I am on the other side of that struggle. That he met me and gave me my hearts desire. When I pray for my friend I, of course, am asking for her to receive a blessing. But, more than that I'm asking that she discover God in a deeper way. Because traveling with him, sure makes the load of the journey lighter!        Matthew 11:30    "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

40 Days

40 days I've been a mama to Eli. I've only been apart from him for two hours and that was because I made Rob make me leave him...just to prove that I could. Emily and I went to Target and I couldn't wait to get home (so many crying kids in that store, it was killing me)! I'm back to work very soon and know that I am going to have some separation anxiety. Eli will be fine and I will too - in time. Human beings are adaptable and I know that I will adapt - just like how I am now used to waking up thoughout the middle of the night...I will get used to our apart time. He will be in the hands of the best possible caregivers (our moms and our sis-in-law) - people that love him, people that he will love. I understand that Eli is not just for Rob and I and I'm happy to share so that he may be a blessing to others lives and they'll certainly be a blessing to his! I'm so thankful for this precious stretch of time that he and I have had together.

A New Song

Psalm 40:3 "He put a new song in my mouth."
August 22nd was the 4 year anniversary of baby Faith. Gosh, 4 years! I did not honor her coming and going the way I normally would. I didn't purchase anything new for the garden. I didn't write a poem and post it on my blog. I did, of course, think about her and gave thanks for how far this 4 years has brought us. I remembered that when I wrote about Faith last year (on her day) I ended with this, "I really just want to release it all. Like a butterfly that I've been holding tightly in the palm of my hand, I want to open my hand and let her fly."
I think I was truly able to do that. To let go. Letting go did not mean forgetting. Letting go released her (completely) to the Lord. Letting go made room for a blessing...the one I'm holding as I type this (it's a little tricky to blog with a baby in your arms, but I'm a mama now and we make do)!
Yesterday, we received Eli's social security card in the mail. I was quite excited about that especially because I always love seeing his name! When I saw the issued date, I knew it was a God moment just for me...August 22nd. Faith's "lift off to heaven" date stamped right there on Eli's card. There are those times in life where you just know, with complete certainty, that all is exactly as it should be. Praise God for a new song!!!